Five Tips For a Better Belay-tionship

Anyone who has climbed with a romantic partner knows that your first day climbing with them is somewhat of a test. It’s similar to other milestones like going on your first vacation or meeting each other’s family or friends. Climbing together means spending quality time in often high-risk, stressful situations. And this is especially true if one or both partners are new to the sport.

For some, the climbing partnership is perfect and each climber knows they’ve won the lottery when they genuinely love climbing with the one they love. For others, it’s not always a match made in heaven, and the partnership takes work to get right. As Valentine’s Day approaches, now may be a good time for us to ensure that our relationships on the rocks are not, well, rocky. Here are some tips that when applied, your loved one may appreciate even more than chocolates. These tips work great for romantic couples, but they’re applicable for platonic climbing partnerships as well.

Communicate your feelings

Maybe this one sounds cliche, but if you’re in a healthy relationship, this is a no-brainer. And sometimes we need reminding when our love lives are thrown into a different context. Whether you’re having a bad day, nervous about a redpoint attempt, or on the contrary, are really psyched to tick every climb at the crag, it is important to share these feelings with your partner. If one of you is hoping for a relaxed day while the other is ready for a high-paced extravaganza, you may find yourselves bumping heads. Or if one of you is needing a bit of extra support as the goal for the day is to face some fears head-on, don’t be afraid of sharing that with your partner.

Listen to your partner

Communicating is one thing, but listening to what the other person is saying is equally important. If someone is really psyched, it’s demotivating and frustrating when the other is not meeting that energy. On the other hand, if half the team is just not in a good space that day, it’s important to be supportive. Tell each other what you need and what you expect from your day out. If your partner tells you that some of the things you say or some of the ways you behave bother them, listen with an open mind. 

Don’t have secret goals for your partner

The confidence partners have in each other’s abilities is a beautiful thing. The way that a partner can see their better half’s full potential is inspiring and should be celebrated. However, no matter how well-intentioned, a partner should never harbour secret goals for their loved one that they act on without consent.

On one memorable day out climbing, I overheard a couple arguing in a way that was quite unsafe. The climber frantically called out, “Take!” To which the belayer responded flippantly, “No.” “Take, please take!” “No.” On and on this went until the climber down climbed a little then let go. Fall therapy requires consent. And even if there was a prior conversation where the climber divulged that they wanted to work on being more comfortable with falls, the way that this was executed was a disturbing sight. Believing your partner hasn’t fully unlocked their potential and helping them find a way to believe in themselves is a lovely sentiment. Don’t ruin an opportunity to grow together by forcing your partner into situations they have not agreed to.

Pretend your partner’s suggestions are those of someone you respect

That doesn’t sound very loving, but let me explain. Sometimes, we feel as though we have said everything possible to our partner and they have said everything possible to us. When advice is offered, the receiving person takes it as an attack or may quickly bark back with a simple, “I know!” But what if your partner’s suggestion to trust your feet or try a different sequence are just honest pieces of constructive criticism? What if you, for a moment, pretended they were your personal coach that had your best interests at heart? In most cases, this is probably not even something you need to play at; this may effectively just be true. 

Remember that just because you’re comfortable with each other, that doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want to each other

Hopefully, you can say just about anything to your partner and weather the storm. But doing this repeatedly as you both pursue an activity as engaging as climbing can take its toll. Be careful with insensitive remarks, especially after a heartbreaking redpoint attempt, botched flash, or ass-whooping from an unexpected sandbag. Don’t spray beta and technique suggestions without consent.

If you’re a climber, climbing is a big part of your life. Your partner is also a big part of your life. Consider using climbing as a way to strengthen your relationship through clear communication, supporting each other, and having as much fun as humanly possible with your favourite person on earth!